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Back to School Series - Part 4: Sample Teacher Communication

8/12/2019

The transition back to school can take its toll on everyone - parents, children & teachers! Transitions for children from hard places may add yet another layer of challenges.

Our Back to School Series has covered tips on what NOT to do, what TO do & how to build a bridge with your child's teacher. As we searched for letters to send teachers about the unique needs of children that are adopted or in foster care, there were few options and they were very long. So we've created our own!

As a former teacher, I know the first few weeks of school are busy & NOT the time to hand packets of information on trauma-informed classrooms to teachers if I want them to read them! To win our teachers over to trauma-sensitive ideas, we have to win their trust & be strategic in our sharing of information. Here are a few ideas of how to share the needs of your child over the course of the first few weeks. These letters are not meant to be word for word. Feel free to copy & change as you need!

Beginning of School Year Sample Letter
Keep it short, simple & easy action steps for the teacher to make the first few weeks. Make this communication about behavioral strategies & triggers. These are the NEED to KNOW items to make the first few weeks successful.

Dear Teacher,

Thank you for the tireless hours you put into making your classroom a safe place for ALL children. I’m excited for this upcoming school year & can’t wait to see how _____ grows & learns in your classroom.

_____ is a great kid who loves ______, _______, & ______. We spent the summer (give them something to connect with your child over). She even learned __________.

I wanted to share a few things with you as we start the school year to make it the most successful for you & ____.
If applicable: You should be receiving her IEP or 504 plan with more specifics but these are the things I think are most important the for the first weeks of school.

___ has a difficult time when it comes to _______. You can recognize it when she does _________ (It looks like this:__________.) Last year, her teacher ________ when it was time to _________. It was a great strategy that helped her ________.
(Share a challenge, what it looks like - so the teacher can recognize, & what works to re-engage your child.)

For example: Sally has a difficult time when it's time to transition from an activity that she loves. At home, she will get upset, stomp her feet & yell. (If you know this info) Last year at school, the teacher said she was verbally defiant. We found that by giving her a visual cue of holding up fingers to show her how many minutes until she had to switch activities. The teacher also told her when she could expect to the activity she was leaving again.

Another example: Sally seems to struggle around 1pm in the afternoon. For the past few years, she asks to go to the nurse around the same time. I've learned that is her cue that she needs some sensory input and/or movement. Having her take a quick break to get a drink, take a note to the office or help with some heavy work in the classroom (like moving a stack of books for you) have been effective strategies in giving her the sensory input she needs.

I plan on touching base regularly to see how _____ is adjusting. I hope we can work together as a team so that ____ has the most success. Please feel free to reach out with any concerns or questions. The best way to reach me is ______.

Looking forward to a great school year!

Download the Back to School letter

6 Weeks into School
Make this communication about your child & share 1 thing you've learned about trauma, brain development or adoption. Need ideas of WHAT to share? Check out Part 3 of this series for resources you can use!

Dear Teacher,

Thank you for a great start to the school year. You’ve made it 6 weeks! I wanted to touch base & see how things were going for you & _____. Is there anything we can do at home to support what you are doing at school?

I’d love to share a little more about _____ & what makes her unique.

Option 1:
Over the past year or so, I have learned a lot of information on trauma, brain development & adoption.

OR

Option 2:
Because of the short time ____ has been in our home & the complexity of her early formative years, we are learning to parent with a different approach. Our goal is build trust & connection to meet her unique needs.

One thing that has really stuck with me is _________. I see it play out in _____’s life when ______.

Share ONE thing you’ve learned about trauma, brain development, social-emotional learning, etc & how it specifically relates to your child & the classroom.

The research is called TBRI or Trust Based Relational Intervention by the Karyn Purvis Institute of Child Development. If you are interested in learning more, here’s 3 minute video that explains the research that has been done to help children from hard backgrounds find healing.
https://child.tcu.edu/tbri-animate/

Thanks for taking the time to gain a little bit more understanding into ____’s background.

Download the 6 Week Letter

Anytime
Check-in on a specific concern/accommodation.

Thank you for all you do to meet the needs of all your students. I appreciate how you have worked with ______ on _______. (Give a specific example(s) of how this teacher has made a difference). Can you tell me how ______ (a specific accomodation) is working for both you and ______?

I also wanted to let you know that _____ (season, certain month, etc) tends to be a trigger for _____. You may see her _______. (what teacher should look for) Though you & I know she is safe, her body & brain are working against that. Please let me know if you see any of these behaviors during school.

If you are looking for more information on how you can implement a few strategies into your classroom, the Karyn Purvis Institute for Child Development has a website for teachers with great resources. https://child.tcu.edu/tbri-for-teachers/

Please let me know how we can best work together as team & support you at home.

Download the Anytime Letter

Early in Year - School Projects

Thank you for making your classroom a safe place for all children. I wanted to make you aware of a few things: ___ has been in our family for ____ months/years. While adoption is only a part of her story, we recognize the losses she had to go through to be in our family & are sensitive to how those losses affect her now.

Well-meaning projects like family trees, genetics, country of origin, autobiographies, & baby picture projects about early life experiences can bring up big emotions for adoptees (& other children from hard places).

If you have any projects, books or other related materials, would you please let me know when you will begin discussing them in class? I would love to talk with you how we can make the project fit ___'s needs so that she doesn't feel isolated or embarrassed. I'm sure ___ is not your first student to have to adapt projects & appreciate your willingness to work together to ensure her success this year.

Thank you,

*If you are looking for specific projects & adaptations check out @trauma_informed_montessori on Instagram. She's got ideas for family trees, personal timelines, what I did this summer, etc.

Download the Early in Year - School Project Letter

Mid-Year - A Few Weeks Before Conferences
The goal here is so that you are NOT surprised at conferences!!

Thank you for a fantastic start to the school year. I appreciate you ______ (share something specific the teacher has done to help your child succeed).

I’m looking forward to connecting with you at conferences in a couple of weeks. I wanted to touch base & see if you have any concerns regarding ____’s school work, behavior or social interactions. I’ve noticed ________ & wondering if you have seen any of the same things at school.

Share ONE thing you’ve learned about trauma, brain development, social-emotional learning, etc & how it specifically relates to your child & the classroom.

Thank you again. She has _____ (something positive you’ve seen in your child since the start of school).

Please let me know how we can, at home, best support what you are doing at school.

***NOTE: THIS is especially true as your child moves toward high school.
As we look towards next year & the accommodations set in place, do you have any recommendations of changes so that _____’s IEP(504) is appropriate for ___ grade or the high school level?

Download Mid-Year Letter

Author

Cheryl Bentsen is Co-founder & Children's Programming Director of LoveMovesUs. After teaching in the public school system and then leading various children's ministries, Cheryl found her passion in serving families that have fostered or adopted. After becoming a mom by adoption & learning more about the unique challenges of families that open their home to vulnerable children through adoption & foster care, Cheryl & her husband, Jason, set out to meet the needs of families in their community. Over the last 3 years, LoveMovesUs has served over 100 families in 8 different locations throughout Chicagoland. Cheryl is an ETC Parent Trainer with a passion for sharing practical connected parenting strategies to strengthen families with unique needs. Together, Jason & Cheryl have 2 children through domestic adoption.

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Back to School Series Part 3 - Building Bridges with Your Child's Teacher

8/11/2019

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School-age children spend 180 days in school each year. That’s 990 hours. Most days, children spend more waking hours at school with their teachers than they do at home. We would all agree, teachers play a vital role in our children’s lives. So how do we build the bridge to help our children from hard places? How do we navigate all we know about trauma, our child’s history, & help our teachers to understand?

What I want to do is to storm into the school, throw books at each person in the building demand that all teachers, administration, & support staff read The Connected Child by Karyn Purvis & The Whole-Brained Child by Dan Siegel. Then I’d insist on a week-long training on how to support children from hard places. After all, every child would benefit from a trauma-informed classroom, right?

After teaching in the public school system & seeing others struggle with the teacher/parent dance, I know that would get me nowhere. My child needs me to build a team - we need allies in the schools where we are entrusting our children each day. It’s a process to bring awareness & education to what a trauma-informed classroom could look like.

It means starting with one teacher, administrator or support staff to get on board. It may be slow - so slow that you and your child might not see the fruit of your work to lay the foundation. You have to be ok with that. Sometimes it’s for the children that follow. So how do you do it? I reached out to several teachers that I know that are also adoptive or foster parents for their insight into how we can better work together.

Respect your teacher’s time. I believe in getting teachers on board with trauma-informed classrooms, however, I’ve learned my first interaction is best when I’m not handing the teacher a book to read or a whole packet of information on my child. The first week of school is BUSY & exhausting for teachers & our children. Cornering them at orientation or open house is a poor use of your time & energy - you want them to remember what you said, right?

Give the teachers at least a week or 2 to settle into the routine.* Keep up with what’s happening in the classroom through your children & observe how they talk about their teacher. Then make a connection with the teacher. (Sometimes it’s a meeting, other times it’s a phone call.)

*Again - every child & situation is different. Some teachers need to have information about your child before school even begins. Set up an appointment with the teacher before school if necessary. The idea is to first respect teachers & to create an ally not an enemy.

Communicate. Share positive things you’ve heard from your child or have seen in your child since the start of the school year. Build a relationship, ask questions & share in small doses about your child. In any interaction (until proven wrong) assume the teacher as the expert of their classroom, while you are the expert of your child. Walking in with a book for them to read or an agenda to push is a surefire way to burn bridges that aren’t even built yet.

Communicate SPECIFICS of how to make your child successful in their classroom. Don’t assume that they know anything about your child, other than what YOU communicate with them. (Even with a 504 or IEP - assume they don’t know anything.). If there are specific triggers for your child - tell your teacher early!

Let your teacher know if your child calls you something other than Mom or Dad.

**If your child has a 504 or IEP, teachers may not get them right away so be sure to communicate early (NOT at orientation or open house though!).

Model respect. If conflict arises with your child’s teacher, remember you have little eyes watching & listening. You are teaching them how to respond to authority, be sure your actions encourage & model respect every step of the way.

Follow up with teachers. Teachers have 20+ students (100+ if an older grade) keeping tabs on our children is our responsibility. If they know you will be contacting them on a regular basis, they are more likely to follow through.

Set reminders in your phone to check in with teachers: weekly, bi-weekly or monthly - however you see fit. It doesn’t have to be a big meeting & can be as simple as an email.

Sample Communications for teachers will be posted in Part 4 of this series!

Drip trauma-informed resources. Be the slow drip not a firehose of trauma-informed resources. These regular check-ins are great times to “drip” information to your teacher. Send a short blog post or video of something you’ve learned about your child. Karyn Purvis Institute of Child Development shares these resources for schools.

By checking in with the teachers, you are providing accountability & showing teachers you are a part of what happens at school.

I love this resource written by a LoveMovesUs mom. It's a 2 page pdf to share with your child's teacher with 10 things to know about adoption. It's short & hits the big points for teachers.

Here is a link to a letter to teachers from Robyn Gobbel. Robyn is LCSW, founder of CTATC, is a therapist specializing in adoption, attachment, and trauma. Trained in EMDR, TBRI, and The Alert Program. (It's very thorough & lengthy.) Great info for teachers that want to learn more.

The Karyn Purvis Institute of Child Development has this article for Trauma-Informed Classrooms. (Again, it's long & used best when teachers WANT more information.)

Ask questions. Be specific. When I have a specific question for a teacher, I find a get a much better response. How is she doing socially? How is this project coming along? Did you have a chance to watch that video I sent you? Any thoughts? How is this accommodation working for her? For you? Only ask if you are willing to hear feedback if YOU are willing to support the teacher's ideas or find compromises that best support your child.

Be proactive on projects. After school is underway, ask about specific projects, subjects that may trigger your child. Some triggers may include: Family tree, hereditary traits, genetics, family of orgin/cultural background research , “Star of the week” (my family, day I was born, baby pictures, ), timeline or autobiography of student’s life. Find out if/when those projects will take place & put it in your phone. Contact the teacher a few weeks before with alternative ideas for how to navigate the project for your child. This is another great way to drip more information on “the why” (trauma) behind the project. Having projects in your calendar can be a great tool for you to recognize & understand behaviors.

A few years ago, we were about half-way through the school year & my oldest had a really, really hard week. He was more emotional than usual, had trouble focusing on homework & was starting to get sick (the way his body processes stress). About a week into it, we found out they were talking about heredity traits in science & it really upset him. He wasn’t able to process & tell us but once we connected the dots we could talk it through with him. Now I know better & ask teachers!

Here is a great video for teachers on potential triggering projects: https://vimeo.com/111772432

For specific ways to adapt projects, check out @trauma_informed_montessori on Instagram. She has ideas for family trees, personal timelines, how I spent my summer, and more.

Pray for your teachers. Teachers have a hard job. The best thing you can do for them is PRAY. Pray that they can meet the needs of ALL the children in their class. Pray that you can become allies for your child & the children that will follow for the years to come.

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Back to School Series Part 2: 5 Tips for the Transition Back to School

8/8/2019

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In part 1 of our back to school series, I shared with you a few things you won’t find my family doing as we get ready to go back to school. If you missed it you can find it here. There are many reasons for the things we DON’T do and know that not every family has the same needs. My hope is that through this series it gives you some practical ideas to transition back into the school year but also to think through why you do the things you do & how to best meet the needs of your children.

So what are some things we DO implement to make our transition easy on everyone.

1. Sleep. Both of my kids are early morning risers and require sleep. When they don’t get sleep, their bodies respond in strange ways & we will “pay” for it in the days to come. It makes NO difference what time they go to bed - they are up with the sun. Once we noticed this pattern in our children, we make a decision that during the summer, our sleep schedules don’t take a huge shift. We are a little more lenient but we still try to keep everyone going to bed around the same time as they do in the school year. Vacations, friends & day trips may adjust that for everyone a bit but what we’ve learned is that if we are home - getting our kids to bed makes all the difference in the world. It makes bedtime predictable, aids in calming anxiety & empowers their bodies with the sleep it needs!

2. Connect with teachers. Our school district provides a walk-through opportunity to meet teachers & drop off school supplies the day before school starts. This has been so good for our kids. (If your school district doesn’t offer this - call the school & set up a day to do it on your own!) We walk through the doors they’ll use, to their classroom & where they’ll put their backpack when they arrive the next day. We walk them to the bathroom, gym, lunchroom, library, office, & then leave through the same doors they will use. We want very little to be a surprise for them when they walk the halls with their class the following day. Our children meet their teachers & I am sure to introduce myself. (Note: This isn’t the time to jeopardize the teacher’s time & give her a packet of information on trauma & your child. More on that in Part 3.)

3. Think about the future. It seems crazy. There are plenty of things to be thinking about for THIS school year - let alone NEXT year or the next. Stick with me. When my oldest changed buildings, it was a very hard transition for a variety of reasons but one being just a new physical location. Knowing that we were going to do it in 2 years again to transition into Jr High, I started to dread it. When he chose to play in the band that practiced at the Jr High, I realized there was an added bonus. For 2 years, he was in/out of the Jr High building 2 days a week. I’m hoping that having been in the building, knowing where the bathrooms are, & the gym will give him some familiarity & aid in this year’s transition. Now I’m already thinking about high school. (eek!) The next 2 years, we will find ways to intentionally get into his high school - plays, basketball games, football games, they even have some summer camps for younger kids. Are there ways you can get into the next building your child will attend - book fairs, games, plays, etc? Start thinking now for the future.

Also if you child is making a school change in the next year or so, start thinking about the accommodations your child currently has. Will they help him be successful in the next grade level? Do you need to use this year to make him more independent or learn new strategies that are more appropriate?

4. Encourage your children. In the first few weeks of school (& all year long) think of specific ways to encourage your children. Share what you see in them & how you are praying for them. Ask if there’s anything you can pray for specifically. Leave notes in their lunchbox, locker, backpack or write it on the bathroom mirror. Remind them of WHOSE they are & speak life into them.

Here are a few great resources:

Generation Claimed wrote 2 incredible books to speak God’s truth over our children. It’s a great way to jump into speaking scripture over your children in a comfortable way. Buy the book & write the scripture out for your children for their lunchbox or backpack. You can order on their website or through Amazon.
Parent Cue has great backpack notes you can print to encourage your children.
Or for a different route or to change it up check out these jokes for lunchboxes.

5. Give it 6 weeks. The first few weeks are hard on everyone. Choose your battles. Give yourself & your kids lots & lots of grace. It takes everyone - kids, parents & teachers to find a new rhythm & routine. I love these words from a teacher:

“We all need to give & receive loads of grace, patience, & understanding in those first wobbly, exhausting, can’t-get-it-right weeks. Six weeks of extra grace, patience, & understanding as you weave your way—sometimes clumsily & sometimes beautifully—into whatever “new normal” looks like for you.”

Mark 6 weeks in your calendar & celebrate with a special dinner. Share all the great things you’ve seen your child overcome in the first 6 weeks of school. (Not to mention all you’ve overcome too!!)

Next up in our Back to School Series Part 3, I'll be sharing ways to build bridges with the teachers in your child's life along with samples of teacher communication.

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Back to School Series Part 1: 4 Things NOT To Do

8/4/2019

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If you google “back to school tips” - in 0.64 seconds you will get about 1,010,000,000 results. No joke. Start to scroll through the lists and you will find a variety of ideas of things “people” say you should do to get ready for the start of the school year. I started to scroll through the lists of ideas:

Take your kid school supply shopping.
Me: “NOPE.”
Start a countdown to the start of school.
“NOPE.”
Talk about it a lot to prepare them.
“NOPE.”

I know. I’m crazy. I think differently and that’s ok because my kids NEED me to think differently.

This school year, we will be entering into our 8th back to school transition. There are so many things I wish we had done differently but I didn’t know what I didn’t know. Now I know more about my child, have a better understanding of the effects of trauma & know how easily loss in adoption can be triggered by the best intending projects.

As an adoptive mom, ETC parent trainer, former teacher & as I’ve walked the road with many foster/adoptive families, I’ve learned more of what my children need & ways we intentionally make the transition as smooth as possible.

These are things that MY children need. My children have high anxiety & transitions of any kind are a challenge. Every child, family & situation is different. There may be things on this list that I don’t do - that you/child do. Or vice versa. This list is not for everyone - but perhaps it encourages you examine why you do what you do & how to best serve your family.

Through this series, I’ll be taking a look at what we don’t do as we prep for a school year, ways to build bridges with your child's teacher & examples of how to communicate with your child’s teacher(s).

Part 1 is all about the things WE DON’T DO as we prep for the upcoming school year.

Here’s what we DON’T do:

1. Go school supply shopping together. I have great memories of spending an entire day shopping with my mom to get the newest folders, pencils & clothes. I see friends posting smiling pictures of their day out for lunch & shopping. So every year in Aug, with the greatest expectations, I would drag my oldest out to get all the new things & have a day of connecting. However, the reality is that it always ended up a nightmare. We’d both leave the store frustrated & more disconnected than when we started. Finally I realized that I had to shift my expectations. What was exciting & filled with great memories for me, was scary & gave him a lot of anxiety for the upcoming year. (I’ll admit part of it could be, as a boy, he could care less about those new supplies!) So now, I simply go out & give him the supplies he needs to take to school. I’ll ask him for color preferences or if he wants anything specific but really it’s just no big deal. * For some kids, picking out their supplies could be a great thing. It can empower them to make choices, have ownership & allow for some time to connect with a parent one-on-one. It's just something that doesn't work for my child.

2. Talk A LOT about the upcoming school year & have a countdown to the first day. Some kids need the visual reminders of when things will happen & they are great for setting up expectations. For my child that deals with anxiety, countdowns & talking about it just adds nerves & raises more questions than it does answers. (This goes the same for the end of school. This year his principal banned “End of Year” Countdowns - & it made a WORLD of difference for him!) That is not to say we don’t ever talk about school. I let my child lead the conversations -when to talk about it, questions he has & what he wants to know. My questions are more related to how he’s feeling, giving him words & room to share his concerns. Sometimes I share my own stories of school - the funny & the hard stuff that I went through as a child. It’s easy for us to forget (& for our children to realize) we were once facing a new school year too!

3. Plan a busy weekend after the first week of school. I used to love getting together with friends or planning something fun to do as a way to celebrate back school and the end of our summer weather in Chicago. After a few years of total meltdowns by my children (& me) - I’ve learned that we are all tired after the start of school. Getting back into the routine, all the emotions & changes left us spent. Now we plan for an easy Friday night - pizza & a movie (maybe ice cream too!). The weekend is left fairly open so we all have SPACE to recoup. A simple change in my mindset has made all the difference in the world!

4. Do it alone. We are fortunate to have family members & other friends that love our children dearly & understand their unique needs. I reach out to a few people & ask them to pray specifically for the first few days back at school. There is nothing like knowing others are lifting my children up throughout the day.

I also recognize that my children are not alone! The Creator who made them cares deeply & knows the number of hairs on their head. Throughout the year, we are teaching them to recognize when they are feeling anxious or worried & how to overcome those feelings with the truth of God’s Word. The same is true for me. I can do all the things (or in this case - NOT DO) but the best thing I can do to prepare myself & my children for the upcoming year is to pray for them. Praying for my children reminds me that He is in control & to surrender our kids to Him!

In part 2 of this series, I will share 5 tips in preparing for the transition back to school.

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How do I get my teenager to just stop doing stupid stuff?!?

7/24/2019

322 Comments

Correcting a teen’s behavior can sometimes feel like putting sunscreen on a toddler.
You are trying to get your message across, but they just won’t hear it! For some reason they are making these bad choices or engaging in these harmful behaviors and we just cannot get them to stop!

We come from a good place, we love them, and only want them to be successful, but they just cannot see it. What they hear is that they are not good enough, that we want them to be perfect, or miserable, and that we are old and couldn’t possibly understand.

The truth is, that despite being really old, we do understand. Many of us have been there and made similar mistakes. Many of us remember all too well the excitement of new romantic relationships, the need to escape and relax with drugs or alcohol, and the fun of being out past midnight. But we also remember the problems that came with some of those choices and we so desperately want good futures for our kids.

Personally, I got into fostering because I was willing to sacrifice my home, my privacy, my money, my time all so they could have a better life! And unfortunately this passion crowds into my attempts at communication. And if you are like me, we end up damaging our relationships with our teens, when we were only trying to love them and get them to stop doing stupid stuff.

So for today, I am going to offer three tips to help you slow down, improve your communication and better your relationship with your teen. Grab a glass of iced tea, take a deep breath, and consider these ideas as you walk the journey of parenting tweens & teens. I am in it with you, and I don’t always do it well. But here are our parenting goals and maybe they can help you out a bit today.

1. Choose your battles

There is just too much going on. If you try to fight with your teens on every battle that comes in your home, you will never have time to connect. So you will need to choose what you really need to address. With clients I often refer to these as, “intolerable behaviors”. These are the things you cannot let go of either because they are safety concerns or serious values violations. Pick a few, maybe 2 or 3, and those are the battles you will fight. This might mean that you ignore the towels all over the bathroom floor, or the revolting smell wafting out of their bedroom, you might ignore missing homework assignments, you might ignore how much time they spend sleeping or how saggy their pants are.

Take some time and journal all the battles with your teen that you are currently fighting or thinking about fighting. Then start crossing off items on that list. Seriously. Put some battles back. You physically & emotionally cannot fight them all. Narrow your list down until you get to the few that you really need to fight.

I know I know! You are now freaking out about all the battles you put back. I know your in laws will raise their eyebrows. I know your neighbors would disagree. I know some of these will be really difficult to let go of. But if you want to make some progress, you need to be more strategic with the resources you have. You only have so much time and energy for each teen in your home.

Ok, I hear you. Stay with me, before I go on, let’s briefly talk about what do you do with the ones you put back.

2. Natural consequences

For many of our teen’s problems, natural consequences will address the situation without your help. If your teen chooses to not wear a winter coat, because hoodies are cooler… they will be cold. And that is ok. If your teen chooses not to brush their teeth… others will tell them their breath stinks, no one will want to kiss them, and the dentist will tell them they need fillings. And that is ok. For many of the battles that you are putting to the side there will be other consequences. Their school will get on their case, their friends will bug them, there will be other ripple effects of their behavior that will also motivate them to change. And sometimes, those motivators are more powerful that you and I. So let it play out, and see what happens without your nagging.

I’m serious. You can put these problems on the back burner for awhile. It doesn’t mean you will never address them, but it does mean that you will let it play out for a season while you deal with the more critical issues. You will allow them to be uncomfortable, you will allow them to be hungry at lunch time because they forgot to pack food for school, or you will watch them get fired from their job because they always arrive late for work. These are natural consequences that you will sit back and watch happen to your teen, so that they can learn from real life discomfort.

3. Trust Based Relational Interventions

Next, let’s look at those battles you didn’t put back. The ones that scare you, keep you up at night. The ones that you are hanging on to and need addressed yesterday. For these behaviors TBRI recommends two strategies.

First, take some time to connect with your child and discuss what is going on with them that is causing the issue. In a calm moment check in and hear them out. Literally today we are addressing this in our home with some father-son time at Steak n Shake tonight. They are going out to sit down and discuss some issues in our home. It is a public place so everyone will remain calm, they have food my kid likes, and there will be lots of distractions in the room to help with the tension. Although it seems rewarding to buy your kid a milkshake, it is a way for us to connect and address these issues in a safe space.

Unsure how to have this kind of conversation with your teen? If you are looking for a deeper dive and some scripts for how to do this with your tween or teen I would recommend checking out Collaborative Problem Solving. The Collaborative Problem Solving (CPS) Institute was established in 2002 at the Department of Psychiatry at Massachusetts General Hospital and under the direction of Dr. Ross Greene and Dr. Stuart Ablon who have now gone on to develop this theory further and are very active using it in homes, hospitals, school & correctional systems.

In these “time-in” moments, spend most of the conversation listening to their side of the story and discovering their motivation for this troubling behavior. Be curious to find out if there is a skill deficit you can coach them on to help them reduce the behavior. For example, if they are using drugs or alcohol, is it because they are escaping pain, are they self medicating depression or anxiety, and do they need support to learn how to manage emotions without substances? If they are missing curfew is it because they don’t feel connected to you, or is it impulsivity, or poor time management and planning skills? When you take the time to help them work on the problem, you will gain empathy and a strategy to coach them on how to become more successful.

You can determine if this is coaching that you can do as their parent, or if you will need professional help. A lot of the time you will discover skills deficits that you are able to work on. You can help them connect to you, you can create new home strategies to empower them to become more successful, you can set up some parent-teen times during the month where you can coach them on these necessary life skills.

You will notice I am not talking about punishments. I am talking about addressing missing skills. For many of our kids they are not going to respond well to traditional consequences. In our home we have had some teens that followed a grounding, but others (who were much bigger than me!) would just walk out the door anyway. So that isn’t going to work. It is going to make you life harder and is going to push them further away from you.

I am talking about shaping behavior. I am talking about looking for the root issue of the behavior and attempting to address that, to connect with the teen, to give them a reason to make a different choice and to teach them a better way.

I’m not saying this is easy. I’m not saying you will get to the root of the problem in your first attempt at the conversation. But I am saying that when you are only focusing on a couple of issues and you demonstrate a desire to help them, over time they are more likely to respond. Your length of relationship with the teen, and your level of attachment with them, will play into how tough this will be for you. We have teens that came to us having lived a long time with their bio family and they still connect with them on social media and have visits with their family monthly. This absolutely impacts our ability to be an authority figure in their world. However, we do the best we can each day to empower them to break the cycle and be successful. Don’t give up with the first shoulder shrug and “I don’t care”. Stay connected and consistent, demonstrating your desire to help them learn the skills they need to rise above their past.

Let me say this again, it isn’t going to be easy. Parenting teens is tough for the best of us, and then when you add tough pasts into the mix it becomes even more difficult. But remember your why. Remember why you got into this in the first place. Your consistent patience and love for your teen will go a lot further in shaping their behavior than any lecture or punishment.

Secondly, when they do engage in the intolerable behaviors, TBRI will encourage you to respond in an IDEAL manner.

Immediate - within 3 seconds. Don’t wait days to interact with your teen. But attend to the intolerable behavior immediately so they see the connection between the behavior and its effects.
Direct - within 3 feet. Don’t yell at them from another room. Get close. When you are addressing intolerable behaviors you should be within 3 feet of your teen in order for them to truly hear what you are saying.
Efficient - no lectures. “I love it when my parents preach at me” said no teen ever. Keep your engagement simple. Less than 30 seconds. You are labeling the behavior and why it is intolerable. The end.
Action based - Redos. If appropriate, quickly give your teen a chance to redo the behavior with a better choice. Now, for some things, like curfew violations, substance abuse, etc this is not possible. But whenever possible give your teen a chance to think through what they just did and graciously offer them a second chance to get it right. They may or may not take you up on it, but as you consistently offer them this opportunity they will be reminded that you offer second chances and you may see a change in the future.
Level your conversation at the behavior, not the teen. When you are addressing your teen, make sure you are not referring to them as the behavior. What I mean is, if they are lying you don’t call them a “liar”. If they are abusing substances, you don’t call them a “druggie”. If you want to stay connected to your teen you want to keep your conversation in a place where they clearly understand that you love them, but cannot tolerate the behavior. This can be very difficult when you are emotional so you might want to refer back to #3.

Again, this is IDEAL. It may not always be realistic with your energy level and your teen’s ability to participate. But this is our goal. To be honest, when our teen came home at 4am, for so many reasons, it was not a good idea for me to be within 3 feet of him within 3 seconds. So we made a decision to address it later. You may have been able to do it. I was not. But by adapting these principles to your family, you can make a difference.

My encouragement to you is to take a look at these items and see where you think you could be more strategic with your parenting. How can you stay connected, continue to empower your teen and work to correct their behaviors? Perhaps by taking a few of these suggestions and implementing them in your home this week it will make a difference. You will never know until you try! And just like Love Moves Us has been saying. Don’t just try it one or two times. It won’t work. But give it 90 days. Pick something that you are willing to change and really commit to changing your parenting strategy by correcting your teen in a new way, every day, for 90 days. Life won’t be perfect. But it will be better.

Author

For the past eight years Trish has been a foster parent to a group of 7 brothers and sisters, with her best friend, Roy. They are both child therapists, but inviting this family into their home was a whole new world! She wrote / narrated a book about their journey, The Call to Love. It is available on Amazon, Audible & iTunes. She has a Masters in Counseling Psychology, and she is an LCPC in Illinois with a certification in the treatment of child trauma (AAETS). Check out her website at www.trishjonker.com to read her blog, for more information on her book or to schedule parent coaching sessions for yourself.

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Family Game Night Ideas

6/26/2019

890 Comments

When it comes to implementing TBRI principles (empowering, connecting and correcting) you may notice that one seems to come a little more naturally to you. For me, it’s empowering. I’m task-oriented, I thrive on lists, and I can manage a schedule with the best of them. We’re pretty good at family rituals, we’re totally into essential oils, and we’ll use fidgets and weighted blankets all day long.

But when it comes to connecting, finding a way to build warmth and trust with our kiddos, sometimes that can feel a little more overwhelming.

In our early days of parenting our two girls, I found myself leaning into the empowering and correcting part of this process, while leaving out perhaps the most critical piece - genuine connection in a way that disarmed fear and promoted attachment.

Now, some parents are just awesome at playing. My husband is a little more like this. He’s silly and playful and was pretty good at joining in whatever our kids were doing. But for me? Playing doesn’t come quite as easily.

I wanted to find a way to intentionally connect with our girls (3.5 and 5) at the time. So I started by thinking about what I loved when I was growing up - playing softball, putting on plays, and LOTS of family games. Even into adulthood, when my family gathers, we play games for hours at a time.

I began researching games online - through Instagram and Pinterest - and I discovered several games that were age-appropriate and actually FUN for everyone.

My husband, Dustin, and I are both pastors - a role that can be quite consuming and sometimes overwhelming. We had evenings meetings, Sunday morning obligations, and a fairly random schedule, but we knew we needed to start putting intentional family time on our list of weekly priorities. We’d been good at finding time to connect with our girls through our family dinners, morning routines, and bedtime rituals, but we really wanted to find some time every single Friday (after school) to connect.

The routine was pretty simple. Dustin and I would do our best to both go pick-up the girls from school/daycare, and then we’d all head to a local coffee shop. We’d bring a couple of games, buy the girls a treat or a special drink, and enjoy an hour or two of quality time together. We’d laugh and play, and of course sometimes, have to redirect behavior. With each roll of the dice, card drawn, or match made, we were growing closer as a family and establishing a tradition that we all began to cherish.

Now, a little over four years into our parenting journey, our life rhythms have changed a bit. During this last year, we decided to homeschool our girls to have more time with them, so we integrate games into our ongoing curriculum. We learn math, reading, and critical thinking skills, all while playing together.

As our girls get older, I’m sure our rhythms will change again, but I hope our love for playing games together is a tradition of connection that can stay with us through all seasons of life.

So, the next time you’re looking for a way to connect with your kids, grab a snack and try playing a game together. You can hit up a thrift store or borrow from a friend, or check out some of our favorites below!

Quixx (Family dice game, good for developing basic addition skills)
Cat Crimes (Critical thinking game where you try to figure out which cat commited the crime; can be played as a team game for cooperative play.)
Pengoloo (A more interesting version of a memory game, good for younger kids ages 3-7).
Eye Found It (Cooperative game good for visual learners)
Cadoo (Active game for the whole family. Can be adapted for younger children.)
Topple Chrome (Hands on game, good for developing impulse control and patience)
Snappy Dressers (Fast-paced game with many versions of play, good for 7 and up)
Spot It (Fast-paced game with many versions of play, junior versions available)
Ok Play (Simple tile game making five in a row, requires a little strategy, good for 7 and up)
Splendor (Made for older kids and adults, but simple enough concept for younger elementary.)
Ticket to Ride - First Journey (Simple concept, but longer game play. Good for 6 and up)

Author

Christina Hite is one of the co-pastors at Imago Dei Church in Peoria, where she launched Surround - a foster care and adoption initiative that comes alongside agencies, families, and children in the local area. Christina is the proud mom of two chatty, kind-hearted, spunky girls who love people well and inspire her daily. Her favorite role in life is being wife to Dustin, whose gentle, faithful presence reminds her what God is like. Together, Christina and Dustin are TBRI Parent Trainers and lead a monthly Connection Group for other foster and adoptive parents in Peoria. You can follow Christina on Facebook and Instagram, or catch some more of her thoughts on her blog.

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Connecting with Tweens & Teens

6/26/2019

4 Comments

A lot of parents get confused and over think the concept of connecting through play with their older kids. It seems easier to get on the floor and play with legos with our 5yr old, but not as fun when their music hurts our ears and we are clueless at what this new game they are playing is even called. My encouragement to you is to relax, take a deep breath and go back to the basics. They are just looking for you to get on their level and connect with them.

Ten Minutes / Day
TBRI encourages a minimum of 10 minutes of uninterrupted time of connection each day with your child. Just enter their world, get physically close to them (within 3 feet), look interested in what they like, ask questions, relax and laugh together. Here is what I mean:

Video gaming: If your teen is a gamer, play their fav game with them. It might be super annoying, it might feel awkward, you might not be good. I have been there. I felt ridiculous at first. But trust me. Just do it. Sit next to them, ask for their help, laugh at yourself and high five when they are successful. Don’t try to be the best and beat your teen, the key is to make it playful and fun. They are not looking for you to be awesome, they are looking for your acceptance and love. And if you are anything like me, it will probably look a little like this “Gaming with my Mom - The Tonight Show”
Sports & Hobbies: If your child has an activity they are passionate about, join them in it. Again, you might not be good, just be into it together. For example, my teens are really into basketball. I am 5’2” and have never felt comfortable playing this sport. But I downloaded a training app on my phone and would take one of our boys to the gym and I learned how to run some basic drills with him. Then he asked me to record him taking some shots on his phone so he could post it on social media. So I made it really fun and I celebrated him and we would laugh together. It wasn’t about getting him a college scholarship, it was about connection.
Music: If your child has a fav artist or genre, learn about it. Ask them to hang out with you for 10min and share their fav song with you. Even if it includes language or values that you don’t like, just be in it with them to connect. Take off your serious Mom or Dad Hat and just pay attention to them. Be playful, make some jokes, try to dance to the music. One of my girls and I just sat down last month and created a Spotify playlist of her fav songs for me to play when we are in the car together. She introduced me to a lot of great songs! And now, she feels like want to know her and we are more connected as a result.

These are just a couple of examples, but you can apply them to any interest in your home. Again, don’t overthink it. Don’t be weird and try to be a teenager. Keep the mood light and fun.

I will never choose to play basketball on my own time, but the connection I achieve with my son is totally worth it.

Eye Contact
For kids from hard places, eye contact can be a challenge. For many of our kids, when people look at them it often feels uncomfortable. Maybe they have been yelled at, “Look at me when I am talking to you!” Maybe when adults have looked at them they have felt their disappointment or disgust in their gaze. It is a lot easier just to avoid looking someone in the eye and entering into that kind of intimacy.
When you are working to connect with your teen it is essential that you are able to build trust through eye contact. It may be brief, it may be rare, but asking for their eyes can create a connection and bond.
In order for this to work it is essential that your eyes are warm. Don’t ask for their eyes unless yours are full of love. Practice in the mirror if you have to. But chose to soften your eyes when connecting with your teen so that they will begin to feel safe. The next time you are connecting, or just in the same room talking together, ask for them to look at you. When you are trying to give them a compliment or telling them what they mean to you, ask them to look at you. They may not want to at first and it may take awhile, but keep asking and offering warm eye contact. As they learn to connect with you, their neuro pathways will change in their brain and they will be better able to love and trust others as well.

Behavior Matching
When you are attempting to connect with your teens, one challenge for yourself this week could be to really observe your body language and what it communicates to your family. When we match our teens it sends a simple message of acceptance and connection that is often subconscious. So, for example, if your teen is sitting on the floor, don’t choose the chair, sit on the floor as well. If your teen has their legs crossed, cross your legs. It is as simple as it sounds, make their body and behavior.
One way that Roy has done this in our home is by hanging out with our teens during their evening cereal runs. Very often in our home 8pm is cereal time. There will be a teen sitting alone, playing on their phone at the dining room table while eating a bowl of cereal. Roy will put down whatever he is doing (inc his phone), grab a deck of cards and go over to the table and sit with them. He deals out a game of solitaire and quietly plays while they are munching. He pays attention to their body language and sits in a similar posture to how they are sitting. When they begin to speak to him, he mirrors their vocal tone, rate and volume. So if they are quiet and mumbling, his response is quiet and mumbled. Because he doesn’t have his phone nearby and is simply playing cards he appears more approachable and 100% of the time, after a few minutes they begin talking. This has been the best way for our teens to begin to share about their day and what they are going through.

Keep Saying Yes
The theory behind this concept is that when we are able to say yes to our kids, they learn to trust us and feel accepted and loved. Many times saying yes makes our life a bit more challenging, but is worth it for the sake of the relationship. Sometimes it can seem like there is no way to say yes, but you can always flip the answer. For example, if your 14yr old asks if he can take the car out for a spin you could say, “Yes! When you are 16.” Or, if you are like Roy, and you say yes and take our kids to the church parking lot and let them practice a bit.
As much as possible in your home you want to be saying yes. This doesn’t mean you risk your own self care as you are constantly tending to their needs, but it does mean that you sacrifice a bit of your comfort to create new neuropathways in their brain. By having someone say yes and meet their needs/wants they begin to have a new view of the world and relationships. They begin to feel that their needs matter and that people love them and want to take care of them. Those messages will go a long way into the kind of relationships they will have as adults.

So when they ask...
Can I have a friend over? Yes, as soon as your chores are done.
Can I have a second serving of ice cream? Yes
Did you want to watch Gilmore Girls with me? Yes
Could we have spaghetti for dinner? Yes, we could do that tomorrow, I am already in the middle of making chicken casserole for dinner tonight.

Would you come with me on a walk? Yes
Can you pick up some more granola bars? Yes, when I go grocery shopping tomorrow.
Could you give me a ride home from the movies? Yes, as long as it is before 11pm as I need to get to bed.
Could you get me some new face wash? Yes
The key to connecting with teens is to not be fooled by their super cool or isolating appearance. They are desperately trying to figure out how to be independent, while at the same time, just like the rest of us, desperately wanting to be loved. And just like you and me, when we feel that someone wants to spend time with us, wants to listen to us, wants to connect… it feels good. So push through your own self esteem issues and get in there. Take a deep breath, shake off your insecurities, jump in and laugh.

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Why Does My Child Refuse To Act Their Age?

6/10/2019

4 Comments

It can be tiring, frustrating and even embarrassing when our kids and teens seem to refuse to behave the way they should. There are moments when we are home alone with them, or out at social and family events where we trust that they can handle certain responsibilities, but then they act out in ways that can aggravate the most patient parent.

So many of us are left attempting to manage our own disappointment while cleaning up the messes often created in these situations. Emotional messes. Physical messes. Relational messes. So why can’t they just act like all the other kids their age?

Kids from hard places spend most of every day doing the best they can. No one, myself included, wakes up in the morning and thinks, “I hope I get embarrassed today!” “I hope I get in trouble today!” We are all doing the best we can with the skills we have.

In these kids their bodies may have been growing and maturing and they may look 12 years old, they may have had 12 candles on their last birthday cake, but they may actually be 6 years old when it comes to their neurological abilities.

When a child goes through in utero and/ or early childhood trauma their brain is so busy focusing on survival and getting their daily needs met, that significant brain development has been missed. Many studies have discovered that most foster and adopted children are around 6 years behind in their capacity for reasoning, logic, problem solving, social skills, impulse control, deferred gratification & transition skills.

What does this look like in your home?

A lack of independence
Difficulty making decisions
Lack of commitment
Not many same age friendships
Missing milestones like potty training
Inability to sleep alone
Needing help getting dressed
Inability to take another’s perspective and resolve conflict
Appearing to never learn their lesson from consequences
Difficulty waiting (for their turn, for a reward, for presents, for special events)
Conflict during transitions out of preferred activities. For example, “childish meltdowns” when it’s time to go to school or after recess or at bedtime. Even for teens this may look like a meltdown when needing to wrap up a social event or at bedtime.

How Do I Know If This Is What Is Going On With My Child?
The first step would be to step back for a week and spend some time observing your child or teen. Even create a journal to help you record some of their behaviors. Look at a few of the following topics and see how they are doing…

Communication: How well does your child listen, understand and express their thoughts and feelings? Think about not only their speech, but also how well they understand what they read and communicate through their writing.
Daily Living Skills: How well does your child do at taking care of themselves? Are they at an age appropriate level?
1. Eating & Preparing Simple Foods
2. Bathing, Grooming & Personal Hygiene
3. Dressing (picking out clothes, dressing self, changing dirty clothes)
4. Toileting (toilet trained, proper hygiene and avoiding accidents)
5. Household chores (maybe they don’t want to, but do they know how?)
Socialization: How well does your child interact with same age kids or adults?
1. Do they share or help others when appropriate?
2. How do they behave when around aggressive peers?
3. How do they respond to helpful suggestions from others?
4. Do they demonstrate appropriate concern or happiness for others?
5. Do they initiate appropriate social interaction with others?
6. Do they manage frustration well when disappointed?
7. Do they act appropriately different with people depending on familiarity?
Motor Skills: How well does your child perform task requiring fine & gross motor skills? For example, jumping, running, throwing, standing, writing, cutting, etc.

For a great example of milestones matched with age expectations check out this list: Self-care Developmental Chart

If you are thinking that you want to pursue some psychological testing for your child, one of the most common tests used is the Vineland Adaptive Behavior Scales Third Edition. If you are looking at starting an IEP process for your child you will want to make sure this is one of the tests used to measure how they are doing with their milestones.

In this process of assessment, either on your own at home, or as you partner with a professional (school psychologist, neuropsychologist, occupational therapist, family therapist, etc) you will want to think through, what needs haven’t been met for your child. Where were they too focused on survival and didn’t have the brain energy for skill development? When in doubt, if you didn’t teach your child something don’t assume they know it and work with them on skill development.

No matter what the age of your child when they move in or when you start to recognize their delays, you can become their coach. We tend to be more sympathetic to children when we can see the disability. If they are in a wheelchair, or if they are blind we are much more gracious and accommodating. The challenge with our kids is that their disability is hidden. Deep within their brain folds they are missing some pathways and we can err on the side of assuming they are manipulative or being babies. I will hear a lot of the time caregivers complaining of a child that is “so attention seeking”. Yes, they may really be searching for your attention. They may really be looking for your support and help. They need it. They need to learn and they need to connect. This is your moment to be there for them.

Never turn away a child coming to you. Don’t say, “You are too big for ____” They are not too big for your help. Their brain will only be able to develop when they feel safe and are involved in loving and trusting interactions. When they demonstrate a skill deficit or need, celebrate it and meet it. Celebrate that they came to you. Coach them on the skill they need to learn. This will build true connection and growth in your home.

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Summer of Connection Week 3

6/2/2019

5 Comments

During week 3 of our journey, we are continuing with the Empowering Principle. Here are a few resources to help you.

Mindfulness is the basic human ability to be fully present, aware of where we are and what we’re doing, and not overly reactive or overwhelmed by what’s going on around us. How often can that be said of you??

I love Dan Siegel’s hand model of the brain & the image of “flipping our lid.” When our “lid is flipped” we can’t problem solve or think rationally. Being mindful of our triggers and what’s going on inside of US first is the best way to serve our children.

Check out these great videos that are perfect to share with your children so they can begin to understand what is happening in their bodies!

Create an Engine Plate

During our monthly Family Gatherings, our Children’s Programming Team creates engine plates with our children. This is a great activity to do at home for EVERYONE. Put the plates on the fridge and check in throughout the day with your family - "How's your engine running?"

It’s not an instant fix but as you model how to use it - they will follow!

More info on Engine Plates

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"I'll keep you safe until you're back in control."

5/31/2019

50 Comments

“I hate you. I hate this stupid family. And you’re stupid. Stupid!”

Our young child screamed through tears while standing standing atop of the bed. This was the seventh straight night of outrageous, defiant behavior at bedtime, after weeks of relative calm.

I walked over to the nearby rocking chair, and I sat down quietly while our little one seethed.

Several years ago, both my husband and I would have left our sweet kiddo to rage alone after unsuccessfully trying to restore calm in all the ways we were then versed. Several years ago, I would have cried into the sleeve of my husband’s shirt, and I would have felt helpless to help. Yelling didn’t work. Consequences either. And logic? Nope. It only made hard times harder. Several years ago, I wouldn’t have been able to sit with our hurting child because all I could see was the terrible behavior.

Thankfully, several years ago, our connection-based parenting journey shifted once again when a wise friend gave us some good advice: “Instead of taking this child's behavior personally, instead of loading consequences, instead of judging this behavior unacceptable, get curious. Ask yourself what’s happening inside of such a little person to be causing such big chaos on the outside.”

While I silently rocked in the rocking chair across the room from our kiddo, I checked in with my own self. How was my regulation in the midst of this tantrum? If I was going to help this little one calm, I needed to know if I was calm myself! Was I breathing? Was I holding tension in my shoulders or neck or jaw. I consciously let go of the tension while I breathed. I thought of my favorite script.

"I'll keep you safe until you're back in control."

While our child angrily pouted, I calmed my own body so I could think clearly.

This isn’t a personal attack, I reminded myself. What was really going on? Upon closer look, I noticed our kiddo's eyes were darting around the room and saw a very scared child.

Instead of creating consequences to stop the behavior as I rocked, I began focusing on the cause of the behavior.

As I relaxed my body, I stopped judging the behavior as bad, and I was able to get curious and start asking questions:

Why is bedtime so hard for this treasured little one right now?

And how can I help ease the dis-ease going on inside of our little one?

Calmer now, I asked our kiddo to rock with me and a favorite soft blanket. Still angrily pouting, our little one softened and came to sit on my lap. Taking a chance on what I’d figured from my detective work about the big feelings being exhibited, I asked, "are you feeling scared about something?" Now calmer, our kiddo could find words that matched with the big feelings:

“I’m scared of being alone in my room.”

By first regulating so I could think, I was able to succeed in not taking all of our child's angry words personally; I was able to get curious about our little one’s behavior, and we were able to determine our little one was afraid during bedtime and meet the underlying need.

We found ways to soothe our child's fears, including adding a nightlight, some soft music and leaving the bedroom door wide open with promises to stay until our kiddo fell asleep and do check ins after that.

The brain has only two choices: it can either grow and develop or keep one safe. If the amygdala, the part of the brain responsible for keeping us safe, is always stuck in the “overdrive” position, other parts of the brain that are responsible for logic, empathy and planning do not develop in a typical manner, making it almost impossible for our kiddos from hard backgrounds to access these skills while having a hard time. We must feel safe so we our other parts of our brains can grow, develop and be accessed. Our kiddo was so scared at bedtime, self reflecting on behavior wasn't even an option until feelings of safety were restored. This sweet little one was stuck in fear response. As parents it's our job to calm the fears, so we first have to find the calm in ourselves.

Through realizing that there is always a need behind behavior, we were able to help bring calmness to most bedtimes by first hearing our little one's concerns beneath the behavior and then helping restore feelings of safety. Regulation for the win!

Author

John and Hyacynth Worth have been walking together for almost 14 years of marriage, and along the way have become mom and dad to five sweet and spicy kiddos ranging from 18 all the way to seven years old. The Worths have grown into a family through both birthing children and adopting children. They live in the northern suburbs of Chicago, and are co-founders of Cultivate Lake County, an organization with a mission of caring for caregivers and transforming children through extending and practicing Relational Care and Trauma-Competent Care. You can connect with the Worths via email: [email protected]

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Back to School Series - Part 4: Sample Teacher Communication

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Back to School Series Part 3 - Building Bridges with Your Child's Teacher

Back to School Series Part 2: 5 Tips for the Transition Back to School

Back to School Series Part 1: 4 Things NOT To Do

How do I get my teenager to just stop doing stupid stuff?!?

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Family Game Night Ideas

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Connecting with Tweens & Teens

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Why Does My Child Refuse To Act Their Age?

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Summer of Connection Week 3

"I'll keep you safe until you're back in control."

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